Play “The Game” or be Disruptive?

Business, Disruptive, HR, L&D, Leadership, Management, Perfectionism, teamwork, Uncategorized, values, workplace

chess

Hmmm what to do?

We all know that the reality of any workplace is that if you’re not liked (by decision makers) then you’re going nowhere fast. So, to an extent, we have to play “the game”. What’s “the game” I hear you ask? Its making sure that the right people like you, it’s showing that you’re dedicated and willing to do more than pretty much anyone else, its supporting decision makers and ensuring that you appear to be the logical if not the only choice for any upcoming promotions or development opportunities. Well that’s all very well and good and I’ve certainly done my fair share of playing “the game” but sometimes shit needs to be said.

Ask anyone who has ever worked with me and they will tell you that I’ve got a fair few opinions, a lot of ideas, and I tend to speak my mind. So, the question is, can you play “the game” AND be disruptive?

By disruptive I mean not sitting back and letting bad decisions be made without offering your insight. Quite often you’re words of wisdom will not be acted upon (depending on your position and organisational culture) but you’ll at least have the satisfaction of know that when things do go wrong, it isn’t through lack of you trying to intervene. You did your best.

Sadly, sometimes in the workplace people will resent you for offering your opinion, even when you’re right (especially when you’re right). You’re going to have to make the decision as to if it’s worth giving it anyway. Only you can make that decision.

In my case, I will always do more than is needed or even expected. I’m flexible and willing to get the job done no matter what. That’s not because of “the game”, though – that’s through pride (and being brought up proper!). I take pride in being excellent at any role I take on, whether or not I feel rewarded by the company, that’s just how I am (see my blog on my perfectionism for more about weird old me).

In my opinion, and its just my opinion of course, sometimes its worth getting into a bit of hot water with the boss to say what needs to be said. If you’re anything like me, this is for your own wellbeing more than anything else. I can’t stand to watch people make bad decisions especially when I’ve already made them (and I’ve made plenty). Thankfully I work in a role where I’m considered to be an expert (!), and I am fortunate enough that my advice is more often than not welcomed, after all, its what you’re paying me for. The skill, of course, is in guiding people towards a path of insight rather than dragging them there and the same is true for inside of your organisation too (it’s a skill that’s not just for clients!).

It’s a tough balancing act, getting ahead at work without compromising yourself in some way. Especially when you’re at the start of your career.

For those of you looking for advice I would say this:

Take pride in a job well done, let that be it’s own thanks; if you don’t feel proud of your work, it’s probably time to do something else. Sometimes you’ve got to suck it up and crack on in the world of work. Use your knowledge, expertise and experience to say what needs to be said. If they don’t take your advice, take it on the chin, dust yourself off and keep doing what you’re doing.

What do you think?

In Pursuit of Perfect

Business, depression, L&D, Leadership, Management, mental health, Perfectionism, Uncategorized, workplace

Why is perfectionism a problem?

You hear a lot of people talking about perfectionism along the lines of – “well its my high standards and hard work that has got me where I am today”. Well, yeah sure, to an extent. But perfectionism by its very definition is unrealistic:

 

Perfectionism blog image

 

So what’s the problem with perfectionism?

Perfectionism is associated with a range of psychological problems, including depression, generalized anxiety and worry, social anxiety and shyness, obsessive-compulsive problems, anger difficulties and issues related to body image and eating

(M.M. Antony & R.P. Swinson 2000: 29).

Yes, yes and yes to pretty much all of that other than I’m not shy.

How do you know if you’re a perfectionist? Well here is a story from my life for you, see if it sounds at all familiar:

Back when I used to play netball (before retiring from injury) one evening my team was playing to win both the league and the cup. We won one and lost the other. That night I was so livid and so upset that we didn’t win both that I actually threw up, and I couldn’t sleep. I was just replaying in my mind what I could have done differently, what my team could have done differently. My housemate at the time couldn’t understand why I wasn’t chuffed that we won the league – and, of course, she had a point but I couldn’t see it. My achievement was entirely overshadowed by the loss and it made me sick. I have so many stories such as this from my life that I could relay to you.

So, in a nutshell, that’s the problem. Its the same whether its sports, business or your relationships – you can’t celebrate your successes, you’re never satisfied because you always could have done better. In this area I see such a strong correlation between sports and business, just as I do around all kinds of leadership theory, teamwork, motivation and resilience; more blogs to follow on that.

Not only is perfectionism tough on you, but it’s tough on almost everyone else around you too. They have to see you struggling to achieve utterly unrealistic goals, and quite often they’re held up to the same ridiculous standards. A great example of early “socially-prescribed” perfectionism was seen in this year’s series of Child Genius – the pressure the parents put on their children to win was too much for any child to take and needless to say tears ensued, “[w]e have to ask ourselves as parents when we’re pushing our children, whose agenda are we running?”. (J.Bluestein 2015: 40) – here, here.

As Dr Jane Bluestein states:

Perfectionism is not a good thing. I’ve witnessed (and experienced) its toxic and corrosive effects on our thinking, our bodies, our relationships, our work, and our sense of worth. […} It’s the voice of the inner critic that screams “failure”, “loser”, “fraud”, regardless of the authenticity of our efforts, progress, or success.

(J.Bluestein 2015: 04)

So what can you do about perfectionism?

Firstly you have to recognise your perfectionistic tendencies. It often helps to have a good friend to point this out to you – is that a realistic goal? Are your current emotions reasonable by someone else’s standards? Helpful questions to ask yourself.

You’ve got to know which areas of your life your perfectionism is at its peak. For me it is sports, any kind of competition and my career. For you it might be your children, or your relationships, your artwork – it can affect almost any area of your life.

Check yourself, don’t allow yourself to have that endless negative self-talk – “I could have done it this way and then maybe it would have been better” OR “why didn’t I do it like that?”. Don’t berate yourself, try and keep perspective and always, always celebrate your successes (and if you’re a leader, the successes of your team!).

Be mindful!

Be kind to yourself and remember that comparing yourself to others is very rarely helpful, relevant or realistic. Practice self-care, it is so incredibly important, although, arguably, one of the hardest goals to achieve for many of us (myself included).

As always I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject. Any comments of feedback would be greatly appreciated.

For further reading:

Never Good Enough: How to Use Perfectionism to Your Advantage without Letting It Ruin Your Life by M.R. Basco (Simon & Schuster)

Overcoming Perfectionism by Jenny Gould (Ventus Publishing ApS)

Perfectionism: What’s Bad about Being Too Good? By M. Adderholdt-Elliott, M. Elliott, & J. Goldberg (Monarch Books)

The Perfection Deception: Why Trying to Be Perfect Is Sabotaging Your Relationships, Making You Sick, and Holding Your Happiness Hostage by J. Bluestein (Health Communications Inc.).

When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism by M. M. Antony & R. P. Swinson (New Harbinger Publications)